Bonita Springs Flamingo

So Far, Only Tanning Oil on Our Beaches

Sooner or later I figured someone would ask the question “Is the oil on your beaches yet?” Well it started. I’ve gotten it a few times already from potential buyers flying in from outside of the state of Florida.

This is a big story with a huge question mark for ending hanging out there. I can only imagine what the news reports will be about southwest Florida in other parts of the country. Except for “the man” shutting down illegal lemonade stands we kind of go without huge incidences that bring the big networks here.

The last time I watched “big TV’s” take on news about southwest Florida was during the storm Wilma. I happened to be with about ten folks from Lee and Collier Counties two thousand miles away in northern Arizona.

Needless to say, we were glued to the television watching for any scraps of information about southwest Florida. Terrified that our homes were being damaged we waited for names of towns and searched the back grounds behind reporters to see if anything looked familiar.

Finally, a woman from a climate reporting cable show appeared in Naples Plaza across the street from the Coastland Center mall. It was night and they were using lights so most of the back ground wasn’t visible. She was sitting in a canoe and wearing one of those Gorton’s Fisherman, yellow rain coat and hat ensembles that probably would have glowed in the dark. The rain was blowing, the wind was whipping and her hair was wet and flying around under the hat.

Right then, as we were all sitting on the edge of the sofa being lead to believe that Naples was turning into Atlantis two people, who were probably on their way to the gas station for a pack of smokes and a six pack, walked behind the trusted reporter in ankle deep water.

Heaven help us is a drop of oil accidentally gets spilled off of a boat dock. The national news will flock here like locusts, pick up the first anhinga drying its wings that they are able to wrestle off the top of a piling and share the saga of how the oil has soaked the feathers of the revered southwest Florida, flamingo. All of its vibrant color just stripped away …

They’ll even find the one inebriated, possibly toothless, local Flamingo expert to corroborate the findings.

Commercials will run, in between the reports, to promote Florida tourism depicting white, sugar sand beaches and pink flamingos … all sponsored by big oil as part of their penance, requested by our state CFO.

For what it’s worth and just so it makes it into print: There isn’t oil on our white, sugar sand beaches. I just checked it out myself, without costumes or props and nobody paid me to say it.

The big story here is that I couldn’t seem to locate any flamingos at the beach. Maybe one of the finger-pointers responsible for this disaster can do something useful and help point one out for us.


Real Life in Bonita Springs is a project by Chris Griffith dedicated to writing useful blog posts for consumers about the Bonita Springs, Florida area.  Find out what it is really like to live in Bonita Springs, Florida by reading about our fair city. You’ll get the latest in local real estate information, Bonita Springs real estate market reports and a little bit of humor.  If you have topic ideas, feel free to request a story about the idea, after all, this site is just for you.

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