Up the Tree

Luxury Real Estate Specialist, My Eye

At the time that I’m writing this, I’m whooped tired. It’s Saturday night in the middle of tourist season and it’s been busy.  Today, I had the distinct displeasure of showing “luxury real estate”.  I never really cared for the term “luxury real estate” but it does sound better than the term “expensive real estate”.

The luxury real estate I showed today was priced around two million dollars.  There were only two homes on the agenda to look at since the buyers, who were searching for gulf access real estate, had very specific criteria that filtered out the rest of the homes. 

On a Monday I set the appointments for the following Saturday.  Luxury real estate is usually listing office accompany, meaning the listing agent attends the showing and opens the home, so I thought I’d better get my time slot early.  Five days was ample time for the seller’s and their agents to prepare.

To begin with, I asked to tour the homes in advance of the showing so that I’d be familiar.  It was an issue with both homes.  One agent was too busy, the other just made it difficult.  These “luxury homes”, the pampered pooches of real estate, were not previewed by me prior to the showing.

The plan was to meet the buyers at the home.  I was nearly 30 minutes early hoping to get a quick run through of his fabulous luxury home prior to the buyer’s arrival.  I did not.  The agent showed up moments before the buyers.  The key didn’t work in the door and shenanigans ensued, property managers, neighbors with keys were called … blah, blah, blah. 

When the door got unlocked some time later, with us milling about in the driveway, we walked in to a home that was unprepared.  Oh, the agent parked in the driveway, too, garage doors up showing all the un-luxury crap piled up in the garage. A big no-no when showing any sort of real estate.  The driveway is for the buyers to park in, not for the lazy, thoughtless real estate agent who didn’t want to walk from the street or just plain wasn’t smart enough.

The home was a disaster, toilet seats up, clothes all over the place, dirty dishes, doors closed, you name it.  Not a light was on.  On the most beautiful spring day in Bonita Springs, Florida the sliding doors, which over look blue gulf waters, were closed.  The real estate agent at this home actually went on to point out what was undesirable about the home, instead of the so-called luxury features and benefits of luxury living.  Some of the items had not even occurred to the buyers but were quickly added the the “cons” side of the pros/cons luxury real estate list.  Thanks for helping, cupcake!

Luxury home number two, just as bad except add a mail order business set up in the gourmet kitchen and dining room and three busted down, hoopty cars in the driveway and their shifty owners side who scattered when we walked in.  It felt like they were running an escort service or something even more shifty out of what was being billed as a “luxury home”. 

The listing agent actually unlocked the door prior to our arrival and then he left. He wasn’t even there.  There were no additional marketing materials provided about the home, even.  There was certainly *nothing* in the MLS, like a floor plan, seller’s disclosure, HOA disclosure, short sale disclosure, etc.  

Here’s my thoughts … What on earth are the seller’s of either of these luxury homes paying their agents for?  What exactly did they hire these people to do?  Imagine the salary that either of the real estate agents could potentially earn.  Why are they selling luxury real estate and treating their listed real estate and the sellers more common and with less regard than a bank owned row home.

I’d love to say that one or both of these were isolated cases but they’re not.  They’re poster children for lazy, untrained, tactless real estate agents trying to fake their way through a transaction as a “luxury real estate expert”.

Read Also:  Ten Luxury Real Estate Marketing Requirements 

For owners of luxury real estate who lost the genetic lottery and *have* to use an untrained family member with a real estate license or simply just want to make sure your agent actually sells your real estate the correct way.  Otherwise, you could probably pull a homeless person off the street and they could undoubtedly fake their way through a property tour better than the agent’s you’ve actually hired.