Save the Cheerleader, Save the World 

2320425141_23886b03fd_bFor years we had a family inside joke “save the cheerleader, save the world”. It’s a line from the cancelled sci-fi TV show, Heroes. Since we had a diehard cheerleader in the family it was the perfect smart alec thing to say every time there was a predicament to help her though … I’m not saying she was high maintenance or anything.

Thankfully, we did save her from the many traumas and tragedies of growing up and I now believe we did so for the sole purpose of passing onto her the tradition of cooking Thanksgiving dinner. There is a recessive gene in our family that, fortunately, causes the cooking of Thanksgiving dinner skip every other generation.

My mother, rest her soul, would have probably gotten a kick out of how I fabricated a tale great enough that the cheerleader believed I was genetically unable to prepare Thanksgiving dinner. I stopped just short of her trying to organize a telethon.

For what it’s worth for anyone wondering how it went last year, well, it was all fun and games until we realized we bought a turkey without a popper upper thing in the breast. Since I’m a grazer and not a carnivore, there was no expert on staff to solve that dilemma so we did the next best thing and Googled how to tell when a turkey is done. (See guys, there’s more to the web than just porn.)

I’m sure that both your mother and mine probably cooked a thousand and two turkeys without a popper upper before Butterball revolutionized the basic American turkey. The only thing foreign that came out of the turkeys that I ate growing up was buckshot. Sidebar: It could not have been safe for children to eat that much lead every day.

So the kid decided to tackle the holiday for the second time, invite everyone over via text message and add the declaration, “Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday!” Later that day I stalked onto Facebook to check up on the brood to see what sorts of things they’ve been up to.

Posted on the cheerleader’s Facebook wall by her roommate/cheerleader Taylor is this fascinating quote: “You know your room mate is an amazing chef when you are awakened by the smoke detector and she has to run into your room to learn how to shut them off. Oh and you stunt in the hallway to reach the detector!”

If you’re not up on the whole cheerleading stunt thingy, best case scenario with these two means that someone was standing on someone else’s shoulders to reach the smoke detectors. That’s talent and ingenuity in action, right there.

Ladies and gentlemen, I hope your Thanksgiving is going to be hilarious as ours is probably going to be. If it’s not I hope you find at least one thing to smile about and to be grateful for. I’m grateful for my recessive holiday cooking gene and my “emotional allergy” to beets, lima beans and Swiss chard.

She believed that line, too, and they’re not on the menu just so I don’t have a severe reaction.

Happy Thanksgiving!


Real Life in Bonita Springs is a project by Chris Griffith dedicated to writing useful blog posts for consumers about the Bonita Springs, Florida area.  Find out what it is really like to live in Bonita Springs, Florida by reading about our fair city. You’ll get the latest in local real estate information, Bonita Springs real estate market reports and a little bit of humor.  If you have topic ideas, feel free to request a story about the idea, after all, this site is just for you.

You can subscribe to a weekly email newsletter by visiting and entering your email in the subscription area on the center pane of the web page or by adding us to your reader by subscribing to this blog. Oh, and if you’re reading this content anywhere else but or Naples Daily News it is probably stolen.