Picking The Best Lane
Don't ask me why I felt compelled to take this picture, but I did. Today, I coasted up to a traffic light that is red and I'm behind three cars. They're at the traffic light at US 41 and Highland Woods Blvd. You see, I have places to go and peoples homes to sell so I find myself strategizing which lane will be the fast one, which one is Mr. Magoo and which one is Hoke and Daisy.
Here's my theory, proven at this light and now shared with the masses, on how to get across town in tourist season by picking the best pole position. These are my top six tips.
- Never get behind a car that you can't see the persons head over the headrest.
- If you see a cell phone, texting, cigarette, double bacon cheeseburger or hands flailing indicating speaker phone use avoid that lane.
- If you're behind a pickup truck with a window decal that reads "Bad ass ladies don't drive Mercedes", line up behind her. She has something to prove and no doubt has a turbo deisel.
- Avoid cars with turn signals on for excessive amounts of time.
- Avoid out of state license plates. A position behind a northern plate is an exercise in futility. Yes, I understand you're pished, Mr. Yankee, but some of us are working and not driving 18 miles an hour looking for the golf outlet store.
- In the photo above, the car had an Illinois plate leaving two pick up trucks from which to choose? What is the tie breaker in this situation? The Toyota Tundra had a V8. Never get behind a four or six cylinder if there is an eight available. The eight totally dusted in the situation, Magoo and the Hoke/Daisy Team are still sitting at the light.
Go forth and prosper motorists of Bonita Springs. I guess it would have been more helpful for me to drop these insights on you at the beginning of tourist season, huh?